Do you have some not-so-perfect tattoos that, after a week 0r a month or a year, you wish would disappear? Here’s a solution: as with this illustration of a night sky, stare at the crescent moon long enough and the stars will disappear. How many can you make evaporate? Maybe, if you practice this technique long enough, you can make your unfortunate tattoos go bye-bye, too.
I’ve got to HAND it to people with HAND TATTOOS; it’s a life-changer, that’s for sure. No more hiding your ink from your employer or fiancée’s mother. To the uninitiated, having a hand tattoo might look like a good idea, so much so, in fact, that some young tweakers get their hands (and necks) tattooed, before they get ink anywhere else. That’s kind of like wearing a tie before you buy a shirt. Actually, hands are one of the last things to get inked. They’re a kind of overflow area for people who have run out of space but can’t resist taking another trip to their favorite artist. Like any other kind of tattoo, it’s a good idea to test it out first, perhaps with a Mehndi design (the East Indian method using henna instead of permanent tattoo ink). Whatever the case, think long and hard before you make the jump to getting a hand tattoo… no matter how cool you may think they look.
Bob Baxter and Mary Gardner will host a seminar based on Baxter’s famous weekend retreat, Breakthrough Workshop, October 23rd & 24th, in beautiful Hood River, Oregon. This seminar series is designed for artists, musicians, entrepreneurs and performers of all kinds, especially those who wish to master the art of putting one foot in front of the other, artistically.
There will be egg gathering, bus rides through paradise, music playing and a delicious menu of soul-searching processes to put you in tune with yourself and the other trees, rivers, red foxes, white-tailed deer and ring-necked pheasants in this idyllic location. The cost is $300 per person and $500 for couples. Food is included, transportation and lodging is not. With the wind surfers gone for the season, there are several lovely bed & breakfasts, hotels and motels in Hood River, overlooking the incredible Columbia River Gorge. For further information and reservations, please contact firstname.lastname@example.org, stating your name, where you are from and what you would like to accomplish for yourself on this magical, mystical weekend.
I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
Money can’t buy you happiness…But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.
—Broadway Joe Namath
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
—W. C. Fields
Check out the current episode of Uncle Tim Heitkotter’s TATTOO LETTERING 101. This time it’s all about 3-D BEVELING. Cool. Just go to www.tattooroadtrip.com and click on TIPS&TRICKS FROM THE ARTISTS. Here’s some samples:
Ø Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
Ø Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.
Ø Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Ø If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.
Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
Ø War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Ø Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
Ø How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.
Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.
Ø I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
Ø I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Ø Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
Ø Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Ø You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Ø Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even if you wish they were.
Ø Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
Ø I discovered I scream the same way whether I’m about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
Ø Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
Ø I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
Ø You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
Ø Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
Ø Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
After teaching my seminar, “Gut Level Tattooing,” for the past three years at tattoo conventions all across this the U.S., I have come to begin by asking this question: “What do you want?” I do this because it is the “hinge” on which all of one’s actions turn. You see, I can’t relate to people with little or no ambition. If you don’t have any ambition, little intention, or just don’t care, with me, the conversation quickly comes to an end. You may have completely different goals than I do. You may want the exact opposite of what I want. I can totally relate to that, as long as you want something.
We can all relate to “wanting,” especially those of us who grew up poor as hell, always having to make due, or simply going without. These conditions, I feel, make the most ambitious people. So, if you grew up with little or nothing, be grateful. You have an advantage.
Take my childhood: It was early summer and a few months prior I was playing in the snow with my friend and got my shoes wet. I set them on what I thought was a safe part of the wood stove and waited for my mom to pick me up. But I lost track of time and they melted. My mom was mad, of course, but not at me. Bottom-line, it was the fact that she didn’t have the money to get me new shoes. I remember walking that night into Safeway in socks, in the snow, which she made me do, to learn to take care of my stuff. I got a pair of nine-dollar plastic shoes from the grocery store. I had to wear those weird, plastic, non-brand shoes the rest of the school year.
I was a “free lunch” kid, which always bugged me. The kids who couldn’t afford lunch got a different color meal ticket at my school, so it was no secret, but it was the shoes that really screamed “poor!” So, I took matters into my own hands, found a job pulling weeds and got a pair of three-striped, gray Adidas. It took a while. By then, I was out of school for the summer. I proudly wore them and, after a few days, went swimming with a different friend. When we came up to our bikes and clothes after swimming in the creek, all of our things were gone. Bikes, clothes… and, you guessed it, my new shoes. I later discovered that my other friend, the one with whom I got my shoes wet in the snow, was the culprit. He eventually admitted to stealing our stuff, throwing my bike in the creek and doing whatever with our clothes and shoes.
The irony of it all, and the resulting metaphor, is quite profound to me. First, that no matter how hard you work and no matter what you accomplish, you are vulnerable to people and situations outside of your control and, second, what you want is absolutely dictated by what you need. So, be honest with what you need. For example, we all need to matter. We all need validation that our existence has a purpose. If you don’t acknowledge that, you’re lying, and if you don’t believe it, you’re in denial. We find it in the things we do, whether it’s earning degrees, helping people or raising kids, or dogs or a goldfish, for that matter.
Accomplishment is the best place to find fulfillment. That’s why tattooers and artists have such a great job. You want be a great tattooer? You want your art to move people? You want to travel the world? You want make good money? You want win awards? You want to teach? Write books? You want to be famous? It’s all valid, if that’s what you need to feel like you are contributing to society, that is. Hey, if it makes you feel good about yourself, then don’t let anyone hold you back. I wanted to be heard and here I am writing for my favorite magazine. What do you want?
Remember, work hard at it.
HAVE A TATTOO OR WALK WITH A LIMP? THE POLICE MAY KNOW
By MICHAEL S. SCHMIDT/New York Times
He was discovered by the police around 8 p.m. Tuesday, lying in the snow in Harlem, unresponsive. The police did not know who he was or how he got there. Then detectives noticed a word—bhood—tattooed on his arm. Within minutes, they had the man’s name and a contact number, and in short time, even his history of seizures.
Most of the information was contained in a Police Department database, where a description of the man’s tattoo was recorded in 2008 after his arrest. The person in the database was a perfect match for the man in Harlem. The tattoo database is one of dozens kept by the Police Department in its technological information hub, the Real Time Crime Center, to jump-start criminal investigations by giving detectives more to go on than a person’s height and weight.
Aside from arrest data and the tattoo database, the center, which was created in 2005, breaks down information in all sorts of ways. There is a database for body marks, like birthmarks and scars. It keeps track of teeth, noting missing ones and gold ones. It keeps track of the way people walk: if there is a limp, it notes its severity. And it has a so-called blotchy database, of skin conditions. The databases are fed, in part, by arrest reports; officers are instructed to take detailed notes and enter them into a computer program that moves the information to a large server. Inspector Kenneth G. Mekeel, commanding officer of the crime center, said cadets were “taught in the academy to take down as much as they can.”
The center, on the eighth floor of Police Headquarters, resembles a Las Vegas sports book: a 500-square-foot screen is the focal point, displaying relevant information; the rest of the room is filled with analysts sitting at smaller monitors. The center was created by the police commissioner, Raymond W. Kelly, as part of an effort to centralize the department’s information. The databases pull from 911 calls, arrests, complaints filed by victims, reports on accidents and moving violations. Detectives at the center mine these databases for nuggets of information that they send to officers on the street.
To use the tattoo database, detectives can enter either words or images they believe may be in the tattoo. A search request can also include the part of the body that bears the tattoo. The phrase “I love” comes back 596 times. Dozens of people have “I love Mom” tattooed on their arms. One person has “Chi-Chi I love you.” Another has “Dollar Bills I love Money” tattooed on a hand. Then there is the New Yorker whose affection, perhaps for a former mayor, has been duly recorded: “I love Rudy.”
A search for the word “kill” in a tattoo produces 72 hits. Two people have the tattoos “Kill all rats.” Others say “ambition is a killer” and “kill cops.”
Investigators sometimes struggle to identify tattoos, said Sgt. Kevin C. Lonergan, who works at the crime center. “Jailhouse tattoos, tribal tattoos, those are sometimes hard to write down descriptions for, because either we don’t know what they are or what they mean,” Sergeant Lonergan said. “Asian symbols are easier.”
The Police Department does not keep arrest reports when criminal cases have been dropped, said Paul. J. Browne, its chief spokesman. Nevertheless, the use of such databases has raised some questions about whether the department tracks too much information. The New York Civil Liberties Union, for example, has criticized the department’s use of technology to collect data on people, regardless of their backgrounds. It has, for instance, questioned how the department handles images picked up by surveillance cameras and how that information is cataloged and stored. Police officials said, however, that the database had helped identify people who were not carrying identification and that it had also had many successes catching criminals.
After a man was shot on the streets of Jamaica, Queens, in October 2005, detectives turned to the tattoo database for help. The victim had told investigators that the gunman was a black man who appeared to be in his late 20s. He had a tattoo on his right arm with the word “boo” and an image the victim could not make out.
The investigators called a detective at the Real Time Crime Center. The detective fed the word “boo” into the database. In just a few clicks, the detective found 28 men in the city who had been arrested with a “boo” tattoo. The detective then narrowed the results to seven men who had lived in Queens or had been arrested there. The detective sent the names of the men back to the investigators, who took photos of the men to the victim. He, in turn, picked out the suspect. With the home address from the crime center, the investigators traced the man and arrested him.
Tattoos on the hand (sometimes referred to as “job killers”) are a big step for the body art collector. No more hiding your ink under your shirt sleeve. But more than that, getting a hand tattoo can be a real test of courage, a trial by fire, so to speak. It wasn’t that painful for me, but I remember, several years ago, seeing Hanky Panky’s wife, Louise, getting her hand inked, and she was not having any fun at all. It may because she had her fingers done. That sounds like an “ouch” to me. If you are thinking of having your hands inked, I suggest you do some serious contemplation. You may think it’s cool, but lots of other people don’t. Like employers, for instance. And fathers of pretty girls who are considering having you as their son-in-law. Hey, you should think long and hard about getting any tattoo, but, when it comes to getting one on your hand, prepare for the repercussions. It’s a commitment, that’s what it is. And one that shouldn’t be taken lightly.