Baxter's Blog

IDEAS TO PONDER

Posted in Helpfull Stuff by misterroadtripper on September 16, 2010

QUOTES  FROM ANCIENT PHILOSOPHERS

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”

—Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.

—Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

—George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

—Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

—Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.

—Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

—Groucho Marx

I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

—Zsa Zsa Gabor

Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

—Alex Levine

My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

—Rodney Dangerfield

Money can’t buy you happiness…But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

—Spike Milligan

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP.

—Broadway Joe Namath

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

—Will Rogers

I always keep a bottle of stimulant handy, in case I see a snake — which I also keep handy.

—W. C. Fields

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