Baxter's Blog

OH NOOOO! REAL GROANERS FROM MARTY

Posted in Humor by misterroadtripper on July 22, 2010

PUNS FOR THOSE WITH A HIGHER IQ

Our old pal from Skin&Ink, Marty Puntus, has always sent me amusing and interesting stuff over the years. Because of certain publishing restrictions (photos of bare butts, etc.), I have not been able to use many of Marty’s “gems.” I have more freedom on my Daily Blog, so (even though there are no bare butts in this one), here’s his latest offering. Some of these will make you wince. Thanks, Marty!

Are those who jump off a bridge in Paris “in Seine?”

Is a man’s home his castle “in a manor of speaking?”

Practice safe eating: always use a condiment.

Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

A hangover is the “Wrath of Grapes.”

Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor-play.

Does the name “Pavlov” ring a bell?

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.

Reading while sun-bathing makes you well red.

When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tyred.

Q: What is the definition of a will?
A: It’s a dead give away!

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your local count votes.

She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but she broke it off.

A chicken crossing the road: is this “poultry in motion?”

If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get re-possessed?

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully re-covered.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.’

Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.

Every calendar’s days are numbered.

A lot of money is tainted: Tain’t yours and tain’t mine.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Alas, she had a photographic memory that was never developed.

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

Once you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen them mall.

Do bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis?

Santa’s work helpers are sub-ordinate Clauses.

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