Baxter's Blog

TEST YOUR KNOWLEDGE

Posted in History, Humor by misterroadtripper on June 30, 2010

Here’s a bit of silliness from back in November5 1997. To show how early it was, this “quiz” was printed on the back-outside page, instead of a starter-kit advertisement, which, with the backing of C.W. Eldridge, Hanky Panky and Jack Rudy, we banished from the pages of Skin&Ink and, soon after, all the other tattoo magazines pulled supplier ads selling starter kits from their back covers. Tomorrow, look for more of 1997… a story about and artwork from Spider Webb.

THE ULTIMATE TATTOO TEST

By Professor Dickie Smartman, D.C., C.P.A., A.K.C.

Think you know something about the needle art? Discover your tattoo IQ with Skin & Ink’s totally scientific test of knowledge and intelligence. Remember: A perfect score means you’re perfect!

Most of the questions have one correct answer:

1. The most common tattoo image is:

  • A sideways view of a skull with a Mohawk haircut
  • A rose
  • Man’s Ruin featuring the likeness of Paula Jones
  • Comedy/tragedy masks
  • Comedy/tragedy masks as clowns
  • Rock of Ages
  • Bettie Page standing
  • Bettie Page crouching
  • Bettie Page sitting
  • Jesus looking uncomfortable

2. The most famous living tattoo artist in America is:

  • Zeke Owen
  • Ed Hardy
  • Spider Webb
  • C.W. Eldridge
  • Eddy Deutsche
  • Vyvyn Lazonga
  • Lyle Tuttle
  • Brian Everett
  • Philadelphia Eddie
  • Joe Vegas

3. The most famous living tattoo artist outside the USA is:

  • Horiyoshi III
  • Sabado
  • Hanky Panky
  • Permanent Mark
  • Tin Tin
  • Little Vinnie
  • Ron Ackers
  • Stephane Chaudesaigues
  • John “the Dutchman”

4. The most used tattoo ink color used by tattoo portrait artists is:

  • Black
  • Watered-down black
  • Very watered-down black
  • Black so watered down that it looks like dirty water

5. The very first person that most professional tattoo artists-to-be tattoo is:

  • Their girlfriend
  • Their best friend
  • The biggest nerd they can find
  • Their priest
  • A United Airlines flight attendant
  • Dennis Rodman
  • Mr. Grapefruit

6. The most effective way to get rid of an unwanted tattoo is to:

  • Have it lasered off by a competent dermatologist
  • Have it expanded and made more intricate by someone who knows what they are doing this time
  • Have it scarred over in a voodoo ritual with a flaming chicken beak
  • Have it photographed and submitted to the Merde of the Month page
  • Not have it applied in the first place

7. When you have a tattoo applied, be certain that the tattoo artist:

  • Washes his hands
  • Washes his hair
  • Washes his clothes
  • Washes the floor
  • Wears surgical gloves
  • Does not smoke in the tattoo area
  • Sterilizes all tattoo equipment in an autoclave
  • All of the above

8. The best method for dulling the pain while being tattooed is:

  • A beaker full of tequila sunrises
  • Aspirin
  • Maui wowie
  • Crushed ice
  • Codeine
  • Self-hypnosis
  • Having a friend take your place

9. The most popular place to have a first tattoo is:

  • Your face
  • Your shoulder
  • Your forearm
  • Just above your heart
  • Your hip
  • Your ankle
  • Amsterdam

10. The cleverest story to tell your mother when you get your first tattoo on your biceps is:

  • I got drunk and haven’t the foggiest idea how it got there
  • It washes off
  • What tattoo?
  • This isn’t my arm

Answers:

1. A rose. Second most popular is the word “Motherfucker”

2. Joe Vegas, because he’s been in more trouble the last three months than all the others combined

3. Hanky Panky. It would have been Stephane Chaudesaigues, but no one can pronounce his name

4. Black, two-to-one. If you’re Running Bear, the answer is sumi

5. Mr. Grapefruit. The artist’s own thigh came in second

6. Not having it applied in the first place is the right answer. If the tattoo is on someone else; dump ’em

7. All of the above

8. Having a friend take your place. Everything else hurts

9. The answer is, of course, Amsterdam

10. All are correct. Another answer might be: “Pardon me, madam, you must have me confused with someone else”

Score one point for each correct answer:

A perfect score of 10: You cheated

8-9: You still cheated

6-7: You need a life

3-5: You had some grade school kid answer for you

1-2: Big deal, so you guessed right a couple of times

0: There is still hope that you are not, as yet, hooked

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